"Did you have a fun surf?"
Ha! A fun surf? I surfed crap and could barely do a turn. Of course it wasn't a fun surf.
That pretty much sums up my attitude towards surfing over the last 10 years and it's only recently that I've started to question it.Â
Why do I base my enjoyment on how well I surfed? And on what basis am I even judging myself?
I'm surfing a crappy beach-break on my own and acting as though I'm in a major competition, in which every wave is scored and there's a winner and loser.Â
I'm never going to be British champion. Breaking news. Anyone who has seen some of my past competition performances will know that.Â
So why am I treating every wave as if there's a panel of judges secretly hiding behind the rocks and the webcast is going out across the globe? Is that Peter Mel standing on the beach with a microphone, or is it just Steve walking his dog?
Now I know we all have an internal standard to which we hold ourselves. It's natural and very understandable that if we don't meet our own expectations it can be frustrating and disappointing.Â
I also fully admit that when surfing with mates or peers, I want to "impress" them so that they "respect" my ability. But what a load of crap that is. No one is going to respect me for splashing the water because I scored myself a 4.5 on the last wave. No one cares how well I surf.
Surely I'm not embarrassed that random Andy on a mini-mal just saw me fall off?
Putting it down into words makes it seem so silly. But I can genuinely recognise that this is how I've felt towards surfing for as long as I can remember. How tiring!
We all start surfing because we enjoy it and it's good for the soul. But ever since I started entering competitions at the age of fourteen, I've forgotten how to just simply surf for fun.Â
I never intended this post to be so morbid. Don't worry, I am alright. In fact my life is as good as it's ever been. I've got a lovely wife, a six month old son and I live in Newquay. Yet I've still been giving a shit if I missed a section, or dug a rail, or didn't make a take-off.Â
I've just taken the whole thing too seriously. Even this article is too serious.Â
Surfing is fun. It's about time I remember that.